Five Ways A Working Mother Can Help Her Children Feel Special
By Jane Nelsen
Do you ever wonder, “Will my children suffer because they have a working mother?
Will they be deprived?” The answer: That depends on what you believe and what
you do.
It is a myth that children who have a working mom are automatically more
deprived than children who have a stay-at-home mom. Many happy,
successful people have been raised by working moms. Children usually adopt the
attitudes of their parents. If you are feeling guilty and fearful that your
children will be deprived, chances are they will feel deprived. They may develop
a victim mentality, or they may play on your guilt for special privileges. On
the other hand, if you have an optimistic, courageous attitude, your children
are likely to follow your lead.
Focus on how you can make the best of your present opportunities as a working
mom to help your children feel special. Following are five possibilities.
1. Take time for hugs. No matter how
busy you are, there is always time for a three-second hug. That is a substantial
hug that can lift spirits and change attitudes—yours and your child’s.
2. Hold weekly family meetings.
Twenty to thirty minutes a week is a small investment of time with huge
benefits. Children feel special when they are listened to, taken seriously and
have their thoughts and ideas validated. You can solve many daily hassles during
a family meeting while teaching your children important life skills such and
communication and problem-solving skills.
3. Ask for help. Children need to
feel needed. It is much different when you ask for help in an inviting manner
instead of lecturing and scolding. “I would appreciate anything you can do to
spruce up the family room before dinner,” usually invites more cooperation than,
“How many times have I told you not to leave all your stuff all over the family
room”
4. Spend regularly scheduled, special
time.
This does not take much time and can be comforting to parents and children when
it is part of the schedule. One mother scheduled time with her daughter from
5:30 to 5:45. If the phone rang during the special time, Mom would say, “I’m
sorry I can’t talk right now. It is Tara’s special time.” Tara would beam.
Children feel special when they know that time with them is as important to you
as all your other appointments and tasks. During other times when you are just
too busy or too tired, children will not feel discounted (and you don’t feel
guilty) when you can say, “I’m too busy or too tired now, but I’m looking
forward to our special time.”
5. Write love notes. Take a few
seconds to write a note for your child’s lunch bag, pillow, or mirror. One very
busy Mom decided to put a note in her daughter’s lunch bag every day for a year.
She took time on airplanes or while waiting for an appointment to write several
notes or silly rhymes in advance, such as “Rose are red, Violets are blue, Every
day, I think about you.” When she traveled, she gave the nanny notes to tuck
into the lunch bag for each day she was gone. Her daughter’s friends gathered
around her at lunch in eager anticipation to hear the note of the day. Her
daughter felt very special.
Helping your children feel special is a matter of planning and habit, not a lack
of time. The fringe benefit of making it a habit to help your child feel special
is that you will feel like a special mom.